Troublesome world , troublesome words ...

If time reversed ,
i'll knock my head hard and scold myself badly for not doing the mistakes
it feels like God isn't with me
it feels like i'm losing my faith
it makes thing overall worthless

It life reversed ,
i'm gonna go through all the pain again .
seeing this cruel world
killing each other

fire the guns ..
to gain all the reputation the position you looking for

Had asked a thousand WHYs...
At the time i thought i found the answer but it turned out the other way just the second I turned back my head
I can't trust myself ,
I can't trust anybody ...
No one on earth is gonna give me the EXACT answer
I need something that could give me anything i desire ...
I reminded myself ..
i got it once ...
why everything is lost now ?
why did i do that ?
why there isn't anything to inspire me to go in an inspirational way like people did ?

and i back again ..
i think ...
is it me ?

is it me doing the wrong way ?
im not enough ..
but why nobody there is going to assist me ?
God ?

So i go back to the way i used to go ...
and i lose ..
everything ... everything ...

and it begins with a prayer ..again
as the starting point
''Dear God ,

  Thank You  for been crucified at the Cross for me ...
  You were screaming ... never whining ....... and showed ur greatest LOVE through your precious bleeds
  God , and i have whined , doubted , repeated my sins ..
  I'm sorry for what I did .
  I succumbed to the reality easily and  i'm so weak .. i thought everything is gonna be fine ...
  I thought i got all the positive mind i need to have ..
 but I just cant show it up .
 I thought I have all the guts i need .
 I could make a thousand bunjee jumps without any hesitation
 but that's not what i need .
 I need YOU ...
to whisper to me ..
just a little words ..PLease ...
forgive all my sins .
provide me endless power that i could be the light and the salt of the world
I want my family to get saved ...
I want my friends could know you better ...
Please ...fulfill my prayers
It's gonna be another day ... and it's only ONE DAY ,
Please... help me to make the most of my day .
Shrink all my dignity so i can be a better person
Provide me faith , hope and love
so i'll be a WHOLE person
so i'll stand ..
my life is yours so please fully use me ...
to glorify You ...someday ...
God , thank you for hearing my prayers

I asked these things in Your most holy and precious name , and I thank You for making me a Christian.
Amen ! ''

Words of mine ..to You , Lord .

Dear God ,

I know I'm not the holy one , frankly...
Somehow i'll fear the most pious men in my life
--- pastor , minister , preacher ....
as if they can see through all my sins and shortcomings
we human tends to run away from you even though we know we cant .
How stupid i am .
To walk on my own path .
and i know who the heck pulling me away from Your path
is there anyway to kill him ?
to kill those evils within me so that i can be as holy as You .
But i know i cant ,
Im so weak .
sometimes i'm blessed enough ,
people said im lucky but i know that's grace .
How long does it takes to see You ?
How long do I still have to undergo these pains ?
How ..

God ,
Why cant You speak to me ?
I've heard a lotta ppl surrounding me ,
told me that they have heard Your voices ..that leads them to a better life
is that mean You neglected me ?
Is there anyway to help me to get Your attentions ?

Something unconsciously conjured up my mind .
telling me that You are watching me .
Is there anything You want to do through me ?
God , I'll never read your mind , I can't .
Why don't You just tell me directly ?
So that I won't be able to go the wrong path that may disappoint you

Jesus ,
I'm  sorry .
I have doubted You ,
whined at You ,
and killed You .
I know I'm a man of little faith .
I don't deserve Your salvation .
I'm a wicked man who hurt You
but I Love You just the same
Just tell me if there's anything i could help in this earthly world
and I'll do ,
without any hesitation .

Please ,
save the world .
The world needs You .

Please,
show me the way .
and be the light upon my feet .

God ,
I love you .

Arise !

"I say to you , Arise !"
How I long to hear Him speaks to me
To nurture every step I'm doing 

3 months passed ,
Her grins pissed me
I know it's out of my jealousy and I hate it frankly .
Oh God please eliminate those evils within me
I know I'm gonna mount up with the wings of eagle .
We're just born to lose .
Stay strong , Peggy !