My Soliloquy

Wow . Months passed by , I'm asking myself , "How am I ? How's your life going on ? " And a massive amount of pictures conjured up my mind . Peggy Tey , a girl that I'll define as a beautiful girl with a lot of doggone pimples on her face , trying to balance the  masculine and feminine energies within  but always ends up being screwed up by her uncontrollable crazy mind  that somehow she'll beautify it as liberal mindset . She has a lot of fantasies that once a boy told her to be realistic and she can't stop asking herself ," what's the use of being realistic ? what's the need of being realistic ? " So , she DGAF on what the boy said . She couldn't believe that she's sixteen now that she is capable to do something that was ''illegal '' when she was young . When she was young , she was so afraid to break the so-called rules . She was so timid that she was willing to damage her bladder in spite of getting herself to the toilet and get to experience the real '' indulgence'' , She was so dumb to believe in those crazy tales people told her , and maybe she's still doing it now . She was so proud that she's a young adult now , capable to work and earn a little allowance at this young age . She started a diary and let it uncultivated after a few days . She can spend a night dwelling the uncertainties as if it is certainly going to happen soon . She has such foolish faith to console herself after every fails of the pursuit of love ones like , 'it's just fine . I don't wake up everyday to impress him either . I'm beautiful as I am , I'm was just trying to be frank on my flawed personalities instead of being a drama queen . I don't need to have a damn long hair to flip his cheek and  enormous boobies to amaze him . " Her emotions goes like a maze and she hopes happiness will be the light to shine the way to the door that opened for her to the truth of life . She is blessed and able to look up the sky throughout the uphill battles and says ,: " Thank you God , for everything . "  I could conclude that she's a wonderful girl . HAHA

Life has taught me ..

Everyone dies but not everyone lives .
Life was something abstract but it was realistic somehow .
Fate decides who comes into your life ,
You decide who you let go and let stay .
People are interdependent .
Strolling on the street ,
who do you really care ?

When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for,
when nobody needs you,
that's when I think life is over.
Love doesn't walk away ,
people do .
When there's memories ,
yesterday remains ,
When there's hope ,
tomorrow awaits .
I'm glad I have a friend to make a call with ,
making fun out of nonsense ,
laughters fill the air ,
I could call it the best calorie burner ever ,
even it makes me feel like having six packs after all .
I found it foolish to get a crush on someone that i barely knew ,
I found it miserable to put him as my priority when i'm just his options .
I know that's true that nobody can hurt me without my permissions
but  I also believe that love  can't abide with sensibility .
It always takes a fool to love someone .
when it grows , you glow !
That precious moment when your heart went aahhhhh
losing control of all your nervous system that your eyes cant stop watching him
that he might not the brightest star but the only one you can sense of among the gazillion stars in the dark
Uncertainties shivered .
You don't know ,
that it perhaps ,
was just vanity .
the love you've devoted so much ,
might get nothing at all at the end of the time .
So ,
detach .
Once you learnt how hurt it was ,
you've learnt to detach .
You live your life so cautiously that you might have not lived at all .
Do mistakes , break the rules .
For life is not waiting for the storm to pass but to dance in the rain .
Love yourself fully before loving others .
For they may not know your value until they see the confidence that you impart ,
not to impress others but yourself .
If life shows you a hundred reasons to cry ,
show life a thousand reasons to smile .
Family , oh
they don't know you best but they are present in every moment of your life
treasure them .
Have faith .
I know why I love speaking to God so much . HE just listens .
He never judge me that He just listens .....and still loved me so much even I told Him how evil I was
He has the best ears and never call me nuts for calling him at the middle of the night
He knows how ugly I was and still call me perfect by accepting all my ugly parts
I wish I could have a man like this , caring me so much unconditionally
I wouldn't put so much burdens on him ,
I wish we could have great mercy on each other like an overflowing chicken soup,
gaze not each other but looking in the same direction ,
LOVE!
I'm just a little horny bitch that dreamed of epic love story when great music flows

You'll know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams

Picture a little romantic scene ,
savor a little happiness that a man like this could be found when I'm a grown up. 

yeah , when I'm a grown up .
When I'm a grown up ,
I have so much things to do !
but I've learnt to be present .
I want get involved so much in my life that i've decided to deactivate my facebook .
okay , i know it sounds mischievous .

I've set an epic goal ,
TO BE A HAPPY PERSON

So, who's with me ? :D




“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”


                                                                                                                            -----Mother Teresa

Anything romantic to say ...

I sat down to write 
a romantic poem 
confessing I love you. 
However, I guess I’m not 
in a romantic mood today, 
as I couldn’t find 
anything romantic to say. 
The words it seems 
have left my head, 
which only leaves me 
one thing to do, 
and that is to go to bed.

Just me

Just me .
This is me , alone , taking the responsibility of my life
I'm on my way pursuing something  that you might defy
You were trying to stop me  and I know you can't
Maybe I'm just doing the right thing at the wrong time .
Life is ceaseless
There's no destination but how I'm going to live it to the fullest
You were trying to tell me that I was wrong
You were trying to get me back onto the ''right track''
You said that was impossible
I'm telling you everything seems impossible until it is done

Don't , Don't rule over the world .
Your measurement can't sustain the world .
For I'm born unique .
Let the current of the river flows freely ..
follow the current ...
Chase the sun .

The laws

Greed is a part of human nature, so you are , so I am .
We aspire to seek the truth as we're all living in the world with massive uncertainties
We can get a vast number of answers with only one question
So we get confused , nothing could be trusted .
Our faith get immovable and unwaving only when there's a law which is fixed by its own value , assumptions and proofs , so we obey .
I've seen a lot of books titled ''how to be success'' , '' the secret '' , '' 10 steps to fulfill your dreams ''
we bought it , 'cause we are attracted by its delicious titles that brought you to the fancies that you ever dreamed of .
We're always seek of something to gratify our desires or satisfaction .
We want an exact , precise , accurate answer that never fails
We've been watchful for every step we've taken as if we're gonna fall the next second without attention
We've been living in stress , frets , anxiety when there's no '' 100-percent-guaranteed-money-payback-stuff''.
We were losing our faith all the time , all the time ..

This is a great vacation that I soaked in the sea of knowledge , swam through the brains of awesome people all around the world without really walk out of my bedroom .
''the secret'' revealed to me that something called '' law of attraction '' is the key to life ,
everything you ever wanted in your life will be granted just by the manifestation of Law of attraction .
That sounds pretty seductive , isn't it ?
The greatest people in history : Plato , Shakespeare , Newton , Newton , Hugo , Beethoven , Lincoln , Emerson , Edison , Einstein ... KNEW this .
and follow on the book revealed a lotta proces on manisfesting it in our lives and the explanation of it ..
After all , I won't call it the '' law of attraction '' , I'll call it  '' God's law'' .

Ask , believe , receive .
Visualization , Believing , clearly know what are you wishing , you bright future .. your precious thoughts ..
Rhonda Bryne isn't the great one , it's been revealed a long time ago ..as I've seen it in James Allen's masterpiece -- As a man thinketh , it even explains more than this but just never emphasize the name -- law of attraction but the importance of thoughts of humankind that .

''As a man thinketh in his heart so is he ''
                                                      ----James Allen

Feel Good and believe in the unseen .
it were all taught in the books of bible
How foolish I am now that I only realize that Bible is the matrix of all kinds ...the way , the truth , the life that Jesus affirmed .
It is the perfect guideline of life .
His grace is sufficient . All we have to do is to only OBEY His laws , the God's laws .
I once read stuffs about the frequency of brain waves that every thought of yours emits a frequency to the universe and the universe will somehow reflect the frequency and makes that thing happens in your life .
You attracted everything that happened in your life , you just don't know it . No matter it's done by deliberate or unconcious thoughts , it did happened only by your thoughts .

''We live in a universe in which there are laws , just as there is a law of gravity . If you fall off a building it doesn't matter if you're a good person or a bad person , you're going to hit the ground ''
                                                                                                    -----Michael Beckwith
That's it . It doesn't matter it's a good thought or bad thought , the universe is gonna reflect whatsoever the frequency it received so that there's good and bad events appeared in your life . It's hard to swallow that someone will ask , '' I don't attract that car accident , I don't attract those debts , I don't attract those sickness '' Well , it's too much madness to explain in one text and I'll shorten it into one passage---->

''Nothing can come into your experience unless you summon it through persistent thoughts ''

Maybe life is a myth but all we have to do is to keep moving on .
Someone told me that life is just like riding a bicycle . In order to keep it balance , you have to keep moving .
Just venture a little over the past for the very first step , just the first step .

''Take the first step in faith .You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step ."
                                                                                    ------Dr.Martin Luther King Jr .

Have faith . non-stop believing . it's just the time matters . don't care how it will come , just keep moving and
FEEL GOOD .


 Reference ------->         ''The secret'' by Rhonda Byrne                                    :)

Troublesome world , troublesome words ...

If time reversed ,
i'll knock my head hard and scold myself badly for not doing the mistakes
it feels like God isn't with me
it feels like i'm losing my faith
it makes thing overall worthless

It life reversed ,
i'm gonna go through all the pain again .
seeing this cruel world
killing each other

fire the guns ..
to gain all the reputation the position you looking for

Had asked a thousand WHYs...
At the time i thought i found the answer but it turned out the other way just the second I turned back my head
I can't trust myself ,
I can't trust anybody ...
No one on earth is gonna give me the EXACT answer
I need something that could give me anything i desire ...
I reminded myself ..
i got it once ...
why everything is lost now ?
why did i do that ?
why there isn't anything to inspire me to go in an inspirational way like people did ?

and i back again ..
i think ...
is it me ?

is it me doing the wrong way ?
im not enough ..
but why nobody there is going to assist me ?
God ?

So i go back to the way i used to go ...
and i lose ..
everything ... everything ...

and it begins with a prayer ..again
as the starting point
''Dear God ,

  Thank You  for been crucified at the Cross for me ...
  You were screaming ... never whining ....... and showed ur greatest LOVE through your precious bleeds
  God , and i have whined , doubted , repeated my sins ..
  I'm sorry for what I did .
  I succumbed to the reality easily and  i'm so weak .. i thought everything is gonna be fine ...
  I thought i got all the positive mind i need to have ..
 but I just cant show it up .
 I thought I have all the guts i need .
 I could make a thousand bunjee jumps without any hesitation
 but that's not what i need .
 I need YOU ...
to whisper to me ..
just a little words ..PLease ...
forgive all my sins .
provide me endless power that i could be the light and the salt of the world
I want my family to get saved ...
I want my friends could know you better ...
Please ...fulfill my prayers
It's gonna be another day ... and it's only ONE DAY ,
Please... help me to make the most of my day .
Shrink all my dignity so i can be a better person
Provide me faith , hope and love
so i'll be a WHOLE person
so i'll stand ..
my life is yours so please fully use me ...
to glorify You ...someday ...
God , thank you for hearing my prayers

I asked these things in Your most holy and precious name , and I thank You for making me a Christian.
Amen ! ''

Words of mine ..to You , Lord .

Dear God ,

I know I'm not the holy one , frankly...
Somehow i'll fear the most pious men in my life
--- pastor , minister , preacher ....
as if they can see through all my sins and shortcomings
we human tends to run away from you even though we know we cant .
How stupid i am .
To walk on my own path .
and i know who the heck pulling me away from Your path
is there anyway to kill him ?
to kill those evils within me so that i can be as holy as You .
But i know i cant ,
Im so weak .
sometimes i'm blessed enough ,
people said im lucky but i know that's grace .
How long does it takes to see You ?
How long do I still have to undergo these pains ?
How ..

God ,
Why cant You speak to me ?
I've heard a lotta ppl surrounding me ,
told me that they have heard Your voices ..that leads them to a better life
is that mean You neglected me ?
Is there anyway to help me to get Your attentions ?

Something unconsciously conjured up my mind .
telling me that You are watching me .
Is there anything You want to do through me ?
God , I'll never read your mind , I can't .
Why don't You just tell me directly ?
So that I won't be able to go the wrong path that may disappoint you

Jesus ,
I'm  sorry .
I have doubted You ,
whined at You ,
and killed You .
I know I'm a man of little faith .
I don't deserve Your salvation .
I'm a wicked man who hurt You
but I Love You just the same
Just tell me if there's anything i could help in this earthly world
and I'll do ,
without any hesitation .

Please ,
save the world .
The world needs You .

Please,
show me the way .
and be the light upon my feet .

God ,
I love you .