Sometimes I get a little confusion in my life

]Just a few days ago,
I spoke to my friend , DOUGLAS (in phone)

I told him what happened on me lately,

most of them was about the graduation day .
he missed it .

I was on duty on that day ,
I was free after the salutation to the VIPs who were LATE to school
and I felt like a fool to stand still for nearly 20 mins to wait for them YUCKS

Frankly ,I'm not going to the graduation day's duty if my bro , my crush,my friends aren't involved
It was so touching when i saw my bro receiving a graduation certificate from an unknown teacher on the stage . wow , he is getting bigger
some student even hopping (OPPA GANGNAM STYLE) to get the certificate on the stage and that really amused me haha

my brother was in the choir .
auld lang syne , PENG YOU & SHA LOU .
i cant believe he was singing so seriously and it touched me
and tears filled my eye sockets .
i didn't dare to cry cause it looks so weird that i'm not the one who is going to graduate
it just reminded me lots of memories that i had with my friends and ya , maybe my crush is going to leave me soon

here is it 

i always share things that happened in my life to my mum ,
no matter how private is it .
although sometimes my mum will complain about how crazy i am and kept nagging to me about i should behave like a REAL girl
i don't know what's her definition of a real girl
for me ,
to live a beautiful life is my motto .
YOLO (you only live once )

So i'll do whatever i think it's right .
i was standing right beside my st.john friends who were on their duty cause i'll take a nice view of my crush at that location
i was mocking my friend by kept calling her crush and said HI to him
her crush was one of the guitarist which performed on that day
a SHINE guitarist
and she was so jealous when he asked me if i could take a photo with him

then i acted like i was busy to keep the chairs ignoring my dearest boy
oh WHY

people told me that he has no emotion
he is a cold-blooded guy
but who i am to judge him
everyone has feeling
and he was apparently sad after he watched the show
sitting there and looks like dwelling on something

everyone was calling me to take a photo with him but i kept refraining from it
i was a COWARD

then i kept busy on the chores
when i was trying to look for him , i cant found him
soon, the school bell rang
and a POURING rain began

i was waiting at the porch and thinking about him
i was so regret that i didn't even say anything to him
i must at least do something on this important date 

though i may not know the outcome .
i'm young , nothing i can't lose
i don't want to be regret when i'm old !

then i got someone told me where his class was .
i was still afraid , none of my friend volunteered to keep me company to looking for him
the rain was so heavy and i was drenched  .
i was definitely looking gross
i don't care anymore
so i dashed n dashed to the place he was -- canteen .

when i reached ,
yeap , i guess that was his class
everyone was dressed in black
my braveness vanished in the moment
gosh , so i ran inside the canteen looking for someone i know for calmness
then i found one - jun xin (one of a passionate boy in my class)
he told me to take a deep breathe and be brave to take a photo with him as he did it with his crush before and it was really nothing after all

then jun xin walked with me , approaching him
someone was riding on his back when he was helping on taking photo of his friends
then when i encouraged myself so hard to open my mouth

i don't know how was he looked like
stunned ? no facial expression ? thinking about what is his next step ? afraid of the over-initiative me ? or shy ?
then he nodded his head with a slight smile .
i was still nervous
after the photo taking ,
even the photo was flawed with a spot light at the corner of the photo and a little bit blurred
i can't stay anymore
i took my phone back and said a 'thank you' to him then i ran away quickly
GOSH, i really have no idea what was i doing
my body trembled EVERY TIME he passed by me
my heartbeat raced EVERY TIME i saw him

my friends told me to control myself not to avoid him ,
don't be afraid of approaching him ,
dare to LOOK INTO his eyes
dare to say HI to him

i'm trying , always .

i told douglas my stories and he shared his stories too 

then i told him to seek the answer in the bible

then he told me one day when he was praying , he felt that he heard the voice of God
telling him to wait and he wasn't that sure it's the words from his heart or God's voice

he was confused

i told him,

i believe God has made the path for you 

someone that is made by your rib bone is waiting for you in the future

and he said he hopes so .

then he shared an article about God's advise for love to me .

it's almost all about how to maintain your marriage and extirpate the concept  of sleeping around 

lol i won't do that

bible has rules that we have to follow

yes , it is .

no sex before marriage ?

YEAP

girls can't pay court to their loved ones ?

if it's true ,

then i'm so wrong and sorry , to both of my loved one and my God .
but why ? 

because we have to let it flow naturally until the day it comes ? 

i didn't read a piece of this advise in the bible 

i have asked him but he couldn't remember it anymore .
now i'm CONFUSED

AND I"LL SEEK OUT THE ANSWER VERY SOOOON!!!